I was ordained Deacon for the ministry of the Church of Gnosis (Ecclesia Gnostica) by Most Revd. Bishop Stephan A.Hoeller (Tau Stephanus) on Saturday the 2nd August 2003, which coincided with the Eglise Gnostique Apostolique`s Comemoration of the death of the French Mystic and healer Nizier Anthelme Philippe (1849-1905), called Maistre Philippe of Lyons by friends, admirers and for posterity- and the Anglo-Catholic celebration of Lammas.
At that time I had participated in the sacramental ministry for 8 years, not actually contemplating entering the Diaconate, since while I felt privileged to assist Revd.Jan Valentin Saether at the altar, and to be able to serve in that capacity, I had some doubts about how I would be able to attend to the duties and qualifications which follows the ancient charge of the Deacon.
I do not, generally, consider myself a person whose gifts outweighs his flaws – it is not a situation I am proud of, but I must humbly admit I am making a sincere bid at doing the best I can. I have confidence in God`s mercy, his forgiveness, grace and providence – and that all such wondrous and apparently “absurd” blessings are given to men and women without any prejudice and without any qualification of their own. I also have confidence in the Apokatastasis Panthon, and that within that restauration of all beings into their origin in God lays the clearest answer we can ever get to the meaning and nature of life itself; while the former is a qualified and shared belief within the Church, the latter is a private admission of faith/confidence/orientation. I am not about to attempt to negotiate with anyone that they should subscribe to the same, but it does explain some of my reluctance at embracing the symbols and attire of sacrosanct priesthood: If I believe in the intervention and mediation of mortal men and women, on behalf of the Son, at the command of the Father, in communion with The Holy Spirit – and moreover believe as I do (I am not afraid of using that word, or any other), the question concerning the disposition and qualification of the servants suggests itself again and again. I can only act, live and interiorily pray through life – alas, that I should be worthy, or rather, equipped to participate in this Great Work.